Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
