On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
