So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
