I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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