its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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