her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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