I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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