he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
