Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
