my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
