I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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