Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
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