Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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