I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
