Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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