Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I would fuck him just for his dog
Randomize
