I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
