I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
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