You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
