Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
