I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
