I think I just saw someone hide a body.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
