He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
