yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
