just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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