she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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