I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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