Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
