Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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