We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
