So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
