how can u be prego again
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
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