Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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