Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
