Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
