Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
