Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
whose ass print is on the piano?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
