Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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