I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
