he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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