bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
How does one acquire holy water?
Randomize
