lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
