you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Holy shit dude........stairs
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
