Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
