WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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