How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
