I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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