My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
