Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
