just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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