you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
