I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
