Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
