my mouth tastes like poor choices
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
